Worn out for a bit

Very tired, since… since last Friday, maybe.

Friday night, had too much meat, watched a too bloody movie, came back home too late… (the after effect of CHI deadline, apparently)

Then, what happened? Saturday morning, woke up too early as usual, and i kept telling myself… u need to get more sleep… so after i finished watching another episode of “MAD MAN”, i went back to my cozy bed again, and got one hour more sleep.

Woke up again, did some laundry and ran a few errands, realized i have this big CAR HUNTING issue i need to take care of.

Buying a car is tough,

and it’s even tougher when you don’t own a car yourself, so you’ll have to drag your friends into driving you everywhere

it’s even tougher when you don’t have enough money to buy a new car, not even a decent second-hand car

it’s even tougher when you want your car to be decent looking, in white color, certain brand, low mileage, clean owner…

Adding all those up, it’s not fun…


Saturday’s foggy and sunny.

The volunteer work at the wild animal association’s good. The smell of the sun-dried grass made me feel life should be this simple and easy again, reminding me of the scene in “MAD MAN”, Don was watching Sally’s teacher playing on the grass ground, and he tried to sit down for a bit, so he was able to touch the grass underneath his chair using his fingers for a bit, the moment he touched those grass, i am sure he felt a much stronger connection between him and his daughter, seeing is believing, but other senses, touch, smell, even the feeling of sun burnt, makes you feel the existence of things, and eventually, the existence of yourself, which is so essential for me.

On our way back, there was the beautiful beautiful half moon bay, don’t know Americans would appreciate the concept of “half moon” as well. i always thought leaving things blank (out)’s the specialty of Chinese culture.  M’s a very outdoor guy, he must be feeling home again seeing the beach and the ocean. Too bad that I grow up in inland, which explains my mixed love-afraid feeling to the ocean.

The day was pretty good before we got back to checking cars in a couple of dealer places… cause that dragged me back to reality again.

We checked out a few cars, mostly 10k+, some of them looked good, i felt good driving in it, it’s just i was not sure if i could make such a commitment when i am still struggling to really settle down.

Coming back home, was just so tired.


Monday, the plan was to keep checking craigslist, see if any good deals coming up. And this white mazda poped out. I thought i found the deal, so happy and nervous. M drove me to Fremont, just to give the car a test drive, and a mechanic check. The guy (claimed car owner) was pretty nice and genuine in the first two hours that i met him. However, after certain problems have been identified in the mechanic check, things just went down immediately. The rust underneath the car, the newly painted back bumper, the not-so-well maintained tires, everything just became somewhat contradicted to what he’s been saying.

I called it off, which made me very upset. I think M’s right, i need to figure out why i was so upset about it before i let the upset mood drag me down. It perhaps the accumulation of a lot of issues,

first, second-cars are problematic, well, of course, cause they are not new cars. Everybody prefers new things, but when it comes to cars, I thought i could accept used cars. However, when I actually found out how bad it could be, i really didn’t know what to say, maybe if i was only willing to pay that price, that’s exactly what i was supposed to get.

second, i hate people who have low trust in others, i don’t want to be one of them, but sometimes i have to pretend to be one of them, in order to be called “mature” and “cautious”, and essentially to protect myself, so i hate those people are dishonest even more… cause it’s them who make trust become so hard. Meeting someone like that, makes me feel sick.

third, i am pissed off by the fact that i am still poor.

and  i don’t wanna ask money from anyone, i want to get this on my own.

6 thoughts on “Worn out for a bit

  1. cc

    … I hope you are fine… Maybe you’re in depression after excitement about finishing a tough work… 就是突然太放松完会失落一下啊。。。 买车的过程的确会很烦躁,不过咱申请也搞了,工作也找了,我觉得相比之下,买车就没有那么intense了吧~~~ 我刚买了机票,还有点小钱可以被你‘挪用公款’一下~ 反正我这学期不买车~ 即使现在不想安定下来,买个好车,可是也不能买个康奈尔一号那样,天天送修理厂啊。。。i am not anyone~ so ask me if you need help~

    1. Sally

      好啦 该说的在电话里够跟你说了,谢谢不是anyone的你啦,不过陈晓晨,你ya还是赶快把钱攒下来给陈爸买悍马要紧 hoho 😛

  2. PL

    pat pat, poor Sally. The feeling underneath those words feels a bit frenetic, just hope you can sort everything out soon.

    First, Buying a (second-hand) car is not less difficult than buying a new car. Just make sure you have the right person going with you. Rust is normal, new painting is normal, but not the worn-out tyres though.

    Second, the world is full of different kind of people. Being cautious in dealing with different people does not necessarily mean that you have low trust in others. Remember? Trusts is earned not given. Being cautious is not a deceitful mask for being mature, and they are both different to pretending to be ‘one of them’. In any case, we can hate them, but we should refrain them from ruining out day/mood. I don’t remember you being a bit cynicism. Treating people with the amount of honesty and courtesy they deserve is good enough. Just relax:)

    Third, a good-conditioned car is very important. Given you have a decent job, you have a life out there that requires you go out on car quite often, borrowing money from the people who care about you isn’t a bad idea. For you it is a investment for your happiness. Once I read from a book, when we are young when we can enjoy our lives the most, we are the poorest through the stages of our lives, that’s why loans, mortgages and many kinds of financial instruments are invented (Though they have caused the financial crisis : P, well but buying car is not buying house right, lol ).

    Just some tedious advice. And things will get better as it always anyway.

    1. Sally

      thank you so much bro… it’s so relieving to read through all these advice you gave (and i did take those, to tell the truth) 🙂

      First, i think now i am totally aware of the difficulties of buying a used car, so … bring it on, dealers, owners or whatever…

      Second, yeah, it’s heart-breaking to get to know the realistic side of the world, have been protected too well in school for too long… not necessarily a bad thing to get to know all these rough realities, just to get to know these, doesn’t mean we’ll become people like that. I’ll learn to acquire that shield, sadly… >_<

      Third… … and yeah, I DID GET A CAR LAST WEEKEND!!! and i used auto-load for that, put down my down payment, and got ready to pay the debit each month (for another 36 months!) Sounds scary… but i guess i am living a real American life now.

      Will post the photo of the new car soon… get ready, bro~ and now if you come to visit Cali, i can drive you around 🙂


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