与生活的距离

老妈在这儿待了三个月,老爸俩星期,草草写了几篇blog,有得还是贴图了事。

每天下班回家就是热饭热菜,然后跟他们出去溜小区、溜超市,溜小镇downtown。周末还没起床,家里就有人在打扫卫生,在电脑前坐不了半小时,就有老妈端水、端早餐、端水果过来。

大脑在以另外一种模式运行,因为你不用思考下一秒钟要干什么,“生活”就这样扑面而来,它不关乎早上起来喝的是什么咖啡,它不关乎今天有多少Twitter或douban feeds还没有看,它也不关乎博客有没有长草,“生活”以温柔的方式步步紧逼,让你坦然的吃好睡好玩好,让你自然的发现,怎么一把年纪了还这么多事儿没做,开的是二手车,住的是租来的房,天天给资本主义打工,最关键的是,居然还没靠谱的把自己嫁出去;这么一想,什么小清新、小理想、小情调,都可以靠边站了,已经不小了,所以只能听大道理、担大责任,做大计划了。

所以,二十七岁开始了,就是应该这样与生活“亲密无间”吧?

我已经开始觉得时间流逝得太快,眼前的事情多到做不完,而想做的事情没有时间做,或是过了时机做不了。心态变化也好快,一年前觉得重要的事情,现在看来微不足道;一年前觉得无所谓的事情,现在却时时紧绷。

想说,“跟着感觉走”根本等于什么也没说不是… 因为“感觉”,或者说我的“感觉”变成了一件幼稚的事情。当看到愤青发帖,我已经无心点进去热血沸腾的看半小时;当觉得回国发展变成一件看似简单却遥不可及的事情;当已经不可以把结了婚的朋友划分出自己的朋友圈,因为他们就是你的朋友圈…

终于意识到,自己与这世界上的大多数人没有什么不同,与在家乡的城市里工作生活的哥哥姐姐们相比,我与生活的距离,不比他们远多少。

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还记得刚来湾区的时候,还写过一个人住第四月这样的文章,也是热气腾腾的去听讲座,认识start-up的人,看展览,周末就心无旁骛的去当吃货,写博客。当时,生活还是个“大词汇”,还可以折腾,可以有不着边际的想法,到哪儿都可以说自己刚毕业没多久,来湾区没几天,甚至,到美国也没算太久。还可以有这样的文字,“生活的质地离自己还太远”。

这距离,让人觉得放肆,安心,麻痹。人生真的很短,以至于早已说了再见,却不知道。

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几个星期前,Fresh Air在播对Girls的导演、演员兼编剧Lena Dunham的专访,一个人在车里笑出声来:

Because none of my actions — and maybe this is speaking to my age, because I’m 25 — but none of my actions have ever been [determined] by the search for a husband, or wondering if I was going to have a family someday, or wanting to live in a really great house, or thinking it would be really great to have a diamond.

… and maybe that’s a generational thing, maybe that’s her own anxiety that if she expresses herself in a true way, she’s going to get shot down.

… and yet she feels like she needs to explain that while she wants the thing everybody else wants, she is not like everybody else.

2 thoughts on “与生活的距离

  1. 秋高月明之名字被抢了

    Life is always around us, based on which kind we choose to live. So hey, I’m in Beijing now, seeking new adventures. Here, there’s no cars to drive, no fresh air to inhale, no safe food to enjoy, no ocean to wander along, no mountains to hike to, but looking around at the lovely new generation, our generation trying to make breakthroughs, I feel excited and was afraid of being left behind, I have absolutely no idea how things will turn out to be by the end of the day, but at least, this is my upcoming life at age 27.

    Good luck to yours, and let me know if you are visiting!

    Reply

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