Goodbye, girl (7)

First winter, i went to Florida, and she went back to China for a while. Got back from Florida, I was busy preparing an interview and spent like 10 days alone at home. That ten days living in the house alone, without her being around, i can’t say it’s totally not a pleasant experience to have, but t’s just every night when you turn off the light and go to sleep, and you knew that you were the only person in this house, you conciously felt that, not exactly loneliness, more like a stronger sense of self-existence, I have to conciously stop thinking too much about the fact that I am alone in order to fall asleep, whereas having her around, going to bed and falling asleep is a simple and easy  process, i would imagine myself being in certain kind of entity, an entity within which with at least me and her, which made me feel safe and the concept of self can just easily fade out. Loneiness is there for everybody, think twice before you say “oh, i’d rather be alone”, cause when you say that, make sure you know what loneiness is completely.

A lot of life styles or hobbies we had in our 2807 Hasbrouck are actually new to us, i mean not in a way that i influenced her or her influenced me, it’s more of both of us acquired these new life styles together, like making espressos and fruit smoothie, having porriages, bagels or whatever for breakfast, going to gym and fitness classes, etc. Espresso’s purely due to my obsession with the espresso drinks at Mann Library’s Mann Cafe, it’s just so expensive to drink a 4-dollar magic espresso drink everyday (plus too much fat), then we got this Mr. Coffee Espresso machine which costed us 30+ dollar. Then we started to have the full set: milk (I drink non-fat and she drinks regular LOL), grounded coffee, various kinds of syrup we tried, whipped cream, etc.  Sometimes she would get up earlier and she would literally “shouted” on the first floor to the second floow: DO YOU WANT COFFEE? If I said yes, then you would immediately hear that loud and ungly sound of making a steamed milk from that cheap espresso machine, which I liked a lot. Sometimes I would get up early, I didn’t even bother to check, I would just go ahead and make two cups of coffee, with hers adding more syrup, cause she likes the sweet taste. I guess I am more disciplined than her in terms of taking in calories, perhaps due to I tend to put weight on my face more ;P

Also, the habit of going to gym, I guess we had that for almost two months, we would work out on those ellipse machine on the second floor of Helen Newman together. 30 minutes each time. Sometimes the fitness class. She preferes those cardiac courses, and I was more into knock-out. Remember that one time, when we had the biggest snow in Ithaca and t-cat has to cancel all its services on that day due to the terrible weather condition. It was already 8pm and we just finished that fitness class in Noyes. Before we walked out of the Noyes center, she insisted on having a cup of ice cream, right, that’s her, all her want to get out from the fitness class was to have this short enjoyable moment with her ice cream, so cute. And then we were waiting for the bus that’s never gonna come in such bad weather.  Taxi, all of our friends were not available at the moment, and we decided to walk back home… It took us 40 or 50 minutes? When we finally got home, instead of freezed, we were all sweated, cause it was all up hills and walking on thick snow and ice. We ran into this MBA guy on our way back actually. He lives in Hasbrouck too, and was doing his MBA degree in Johnsons school. Chen disliked him, apparently.

See, this is something that we are in common but we would treat differently. Both of us are not financial kind of people, we even don’t know how to split our expenses and checks sometimes at home (for god sake, who want to hire us in financial industry). I never hide my distance from the financial business and people who are in that business, it’s not necessarily I don’t like that, but more of I just couldn’t figure out that, doesn’t have a sense to it. Chen feels those people are too realistic and all about money, and more money. We both tried to distance ourselves from those seemingly “mundane” things, which again, i know…, proved how childish and how immature we are. But we are just two children that want to be in something more solid and visible. Even though, we know if we want to live a so-called better life, how money and all those mundane things means to us, but still, we wanted to see if there’s a way we would both keep an independent sole while enjoying the life as much as we can. The minute Chen heard that he’s a MBA student and the realistic and practical way he talks, Chen started to keep that 5 meters distance from him, and just tried not to talk much. I knew this guy’s totally different from us, I still tried to carry on the conversation. I am always more moderate to things that I dislike, and Chen would take a more clear attitude to it. Again, I don’t want to disappoint people, as much as I don’t want people to disappoint me. Chen’s slightly different, she knows better what exactly she wants.

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